Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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