My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
