It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Buhtt sex?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
