Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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