I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
