i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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