Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
