So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
