i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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