Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
