I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
