Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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