I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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