are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
