Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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