I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
