I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
