I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you win again, gameday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
