Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
