I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
