I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
