I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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