beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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