Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize