this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize