the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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