So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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