Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
