so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
