I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
