Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
