My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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