You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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