This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
