I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
