Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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