my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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