no, he came in my armpit
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?