Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.