porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.