Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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