I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.