You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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