Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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