Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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