I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
