pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
