sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
