Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
