paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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