We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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