omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't shave. On purpose
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
