she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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