my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
