Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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