I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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