you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
