Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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