just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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