You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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