I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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