Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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