I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
