i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
